


Am I good enough yet?

by FOBlovur1824



Series: toxic? Or is it misguided love? [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Distraught Dean Winchester, Dying Sam, Emotional, Gen, Guilty Dean Winchester, Hospitals, Hurt Sam Winchester, Hurt/Comfort, Limp!Sam, Not a death fic, Protective Winchesters (Supernatural), Sick Sam Winchester, Supernatural - Freeform, Surgery, Violence, Werewolves, distraught John Winchester, extremely guilty John Winchester, hunts, slightly hurt Dean Winchester
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-07
Updated: 2020-12-19
Packaged: 2021-02-27 07:47:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,265
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22163539
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FOBlovur1824/pseuds/FOBlovur1824
Summary: When a hunt goes astray, and Dean is hurt, Sam is left to pick up the pieces. Hurt himself, he hides it, believing he deserves it and that maybe the elder Winchesters might be better off without him. Can dean and John and Dean convince Sam that that’s not the truth? Can they save him? Or will it be too late? Will he ever know how much he means to them?
Series: toxic? Or is it misguided love? [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1595347
Comments: 20
Kudos: 49





	1. The injury

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! Chapter one of a multi chapter fic! Pt 2 coming soon! Enjoy, like, comment, and send opinions/ideas! All are welcome! Hope you like this little piece!

Snap! Sam felt a twig snap, hitting him on the lower part of his ankle as it broke in half. He groaned. Dean turned and gave him a knowing look, which he promptly ignored. He was trudging through the woods once again, only this time his dad was no where to be found. He had to go on another hunt, with another hunter, so he left his two sons, 14 and 18, to fight the werewolf. He and his dad had had a huge fight before he left, saying many hurtful words. Sam was seething. His father wouldn’t let him participate in any school activities, and he refused to let him study over research and exorcisms. It was unjust, but his father just couldn’t see that. All he could see were sam’s flaws. His imperfections. In john’s mind, he couldn’t do anything right. He knew he should be focusing on hunting, but he just couldn’t. He wanted to make his father proud, but all attempts were revoked. He just wanted his dad to appreciate him as Sam, not as dean’s shadow. He was shaken out of those thoughts by a shout, and a thud, and looked just in time to see the fugly of the week advancing on dean. Acting quickly he ran as fast as he could, grabbing the gun and running in front of the werwolf, effectively protecting dean from its claws. However, without enough time to properly ready the gun, the werwolf knocked it out of his hand, raking sams chest with its sharp claws. As Sam struggled to fight it off, it threw him into a fallen tree, breaking his ribs. Grabbing the knife he had, he charged it again before it could hurt dean, stabbing it in its side. The werwolf wounded, gave sam enough time to grab the gun and shoot it. After he was sure it was dead, he ran over to dean. He frantically checked for a pulse, relieved when he found one. Then he surveyed his brother for injuries finding that he most likely had a concussion. He checked his ribs and felt something shift. Dean groaned, but didn’t awaken from his unconscious state. Sam was nearly in tears. “Get it together. Do what dean would do. Do what dad would do.” He picks himself up and after situating dean, grabs his gun, and the silver knife. The werwolf is in the forest, but it soon came back with a vengeance. Sam stands in front of it, trying to shoot it, but it merely throws him into a tree. Sam begins to see stars, and his vision is tunneling. He shakes it off though and gets back up, ready to fight despite the growing pain in his ribs and abdomen. Just as San sees the creature begin to lunge for dean, Sam throws himself in front, claws slashing marks across his chest. Sam quickly dodged the claws a second time, using it as an advantage to shoot it. He shoots it in the shoulder but before he could shoot it again, the gun is knocked out of his hands, and the beast is on top of him. He does the only thing he can think of, stabbing the beast in the chest, until it falls, dead weight on top of his injured body. He can’t think of himself fight now. Dean was out for the count, and the werewolf still needed to be salted and burned. He checked on dean again, and after sufficiently making sure he was ok, he began the task of salting and burning the body. It hurt him to do it at first, but after he remembered what it did to his brother, he steeled his resolve and burned the body. As soon as the mess was cleaned, he practically ran over to dean. “Dean?” Sam patted dean’s cheek lightly calling his name again. “Dean?” ~~~~~~~ Dean was floating. Floating in a dark comfortable haze, when he heard a voice. “D——“ “—Ean” That’s when he put it together. Someone was calling his name. Sam. Sammy was calling his name! He slowly woke up, wincing at the pain he felt. “Dean?” Sam said. “S-Sammy?” “Yeah dean it’s me.” He sounded like he was on the verge of tears. “Are you hurt?” “No” “What happened?” “The werewolf got the jump on you and slammed you into a tree knocking you out.” “So the fugly of the week snuck up me. How did that happen? Weren’t you supposed to watch??? Wasn’t that your job??” I watched as sam’s shoulders slumped. “Yeah. It was. And I’m really sorry dean. I didn’t mean for you to get hurt!” “A lot of good that did. Look at me! God, you had one job and you couldn’t even do that right. You didn’t have it in you to not fuck up on goddamned thing.” At this point, I didn’t know what I was saying or why I was saying it. My vision was getting blurrier, and I was extremely nauseous. It didn’t take long before I promptly threw up on Sam. Then before I could say anything, darkness claimed me. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ After dean lost consciousness again, I felt worse than ever before. Not only did dad think i was useless, so did dean. I sighed. No time to worry about that now, Dean was more important thank me anyhow. I slowly sat him up nearly passing out from the pain. Stop. I told myself. You can’t do this right now. Dean needs you. Dad needs you. I slowly sat him up mindful of his ribs, then half walked half carried him on the 2 mile walk to the car. After carefully laying him on the backseat, I slid in the the drivers seat and drove us back to the motel. As soon as I got dean into the motel, I got to work. I gave him the last of the pain killers for his ribs, then went to bind them. I stitched the cut on his forehead careful of my shaking hands. As soon as he was comfortable and situated San grabbed the first aid kit, walked into the bathroom and shut the door. First he took of his shirt. The action was excruciating so he decided to cut his shirt off. After the shirt was disposed of, he surveyed himself in the mirror. His ribs were obviously broken, at least two of them. He suspected another was bruised. His stomach was a whole collection of purple and black bruises, some of the darkest he had ever seen. He tried to bind his ribs, then he went to work stitching the four claw marks across his chest. It was awful. He almost passed out, and there was blood everywhere. Too much blood. Finally he finished, walking back out to check on dean. Dad wouldn’t be back for another few hours, which gave him time to clean up. He cleaned the blood from the bathroom and the torn clothes, and made sure everything was properly cleaned and put away. They were out of pain killers, since he gave the last to dean, so he would just have to deal. Eventually when all of that was done, he sad down by deans bed, and woke him every hour to endure he was ok. He didn’t know he was losing to sleep until darkness had already claimed him. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Sam awoke to the loud noise of his dad slamming the door shut. Dean didn’t stir. “What happened?” “Dean was injured by the werewolf sir. I patched him up. He has a probable concussion and a broken rib. I gave him the last of the pain killers to aid his sleep.” “And you didn’t think to take him to the hospital??” “No sir—“ “He could have been seriously injured. Your brother could have died because of your carelessness!” Sam visibly deflated at that. “How did this happen anyway? You weren’t paying attention were you? Daydreaming? You’re lucky dean is still alive with a brother like you. Useless. Go get ready for school. You’re walking today seeing as dean’s not doing well.” Sam’s heart shattered into pieces. “Yes sir.” Sam walked to school, taking deep breaths. He was in pain. Everything hurt. He felt like he was slowly dying. Maybe he was. Maybe that wouldn’t be so bad. His family wouldn’t miss him. They’d be better off without him. Dean would be better off without a useless brother like him. School went by quickly, as Sam knew he would be punished when he went home. He walked quickly, not wanting to anger John anymore. He walked inside, dean sitting on the bed not looking at him. Obviously his brother didn’t want to talk to him. Not after what he’d done. John Cale into the room soon after. “Sam after last nights incidents, I’ve decided your punishment. No more extra curriculars. No more hanging out with friends. No more books, no more homework. From now on, you train. Do I make myself clear?” Sam nodded not saying a word. It was nothing more than he deserved. “To start, I want you to run 8 miles. I’ll be waiting with a timer. If you aren’t there in an hour and a half, there will be consequences.” Sam looked over at dean, looking for reassurance. When he found none, he walked outside, his gait unsteady and filled with pain. His father drove away to the diner he was expected to run to 8 to 9 miles away. So that’s what he did. What else could he do? He had no where to go. He was useless. A burden. He had to suck it up and prove he was good enough to be a Winchester. Had to earn their love back. About 4 miles in, Sam started to get tunnel vision. He tried to shake it off, but he was barely jogging. His breathing labored aggravated by his broken ribs. 7 miles in, he nearly gave up. He thought this was about 7 miles in. But what was the point? It’s not like this would prove anything. They were still going to hate him. The stupid little burden. The useless boy they drug around because he was related to them. Because he was Mary’s son. No. You can’t give up. Have to prove you’re a Winchester.Have to prove your worth something. He finally made it to the diner, around 3 hours later, red faced and in pain. When his dad finally spotted him, Sam was scared the man was going to strangle him. Not that he didn’t deserve it. His dad frappes his arm and pulled him to the truck. “Get in. Now.” Sam knew that voice. Shit was about to go down. He was in to much pain to fight back though, so he just resolved to take whatever his dad said. “Three hours??? Three fucking hours is what it took you? Is this a joke to you? God you’re so useless sometimes!!!” He said throwing his hands up. Sam flinched “You need to take this seriously. People die. And we need to save them. Every time you screw up, someone dies, and one of these days, it may be your brother or I. Your mother died saving you. She does above YOUR crib!!!! And this is how you repay her? By not training?! With failure? You need to get your act together. You’re a disgrace to the Winchester name. A disgrace to your mother.” They pulled up to the motel, and Sam slowly and painfully got out, the wince not escaping his fathers notice. His father walked inside, not bothering to wait up. It was his fault. His mother’s death, the way they lived, the fact that he was indeed a burden as confirmed by his father. He walked in the hotel, immediately spotting dean, who was cradling his side still, again, as a result of Sam. Sam looked down, refusing to see the look of disappointment, of hatred in his eyes. Sam stood there for a second, then began the journey to his room. He didn’t make it far though, as a wave of pain, much worse than before struck him. He immediately tended up and collapsed to his knees. “De”he whispered. “Help” Before collapsing and allowing the dark pain free bliss of unconsciousness take him.


	2. Authors note

So guys, I’ve been thinking of adding several more chapters, and wanted to know if you wanted me to continue. If you do, what kind of chapter schedule would you like? Lmk what you think below!!


	3. I’m back!!!

Hey everyone! Due to medical issues and familial concerns I haven’t been able to post. A new chapter should be up today or tomorrow, and I’m so excited to share with you all! Also, side note, I’m writing my own story, called broken things and damaged wings! I’m really excited. I just started writing it, but I don’t know where I could post an original work. Comment if you know where I could post it, and let me know if you’d like to take a look at it! (I promise my original works are much more interesting and in depth than my fanfics) let me know if you’re interested and I can give you a summary. Thanks! So excited for you guys to see the next chapter. It’s a goodie!! Don’t forget to bookmark if you want updates! Love you all! Stay safe, stay real, and stay you loves. <3


	4. NEW AND IMPROVED VERSION OUT TOMORROW <3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I’m re-working this into a better laid story, and a lengthy chapter will be out tomorrow!!

NEW STORY OUT TOMORROW IN A NEW DOC. BOOKMARK THIS AND COME BACK IN 12-24 HOURS!!!<3

Comment to let me know you saw!!!


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